Broken Heart CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER ONE

The door creaked, announcing company, and I turned to watch Doctor Lucas stroll silently into his office, with his head set grimly on his large neck and his little hands shaking in his coat pocket. I knew right away that God had again dipped into the coffers of my life and pulled out more months from it, but it was no surprise to me. The acute shortness of breath, sunken eyes, severe headaches, and seizures were a daily reminder that I was dying. Slipping slowly and slowly away from this sinful world. Dr. Lucas had diagnosed me with Leukemia, cancer of the blood four months ago. He had told me that I was at stage two of my cancer, and I could beat it with chemotherapy and other treatment, if I opt for immediate treatment, and if I don’t, I would be left with less than a year and six months to enjoy the luxuries, I had gathered with almost twenty years of sweat.

It was not exciting to hear that I have less than a year and a half to walk the earth but it wasn’t easy either making the decision I made. “Doctor Lucas, I think I would make do with the 18 months. I would spend them wisely so I have no regret after leaving this world” I had said. “Bbuuttt…..” Dr. Lucas had stammered, his little face distorted in confusion. He had paused and searched my face for anything to hint at the joke, he thought I must be trying to make. When it finally sank in that I wasn’t joking, he had sat up and cradled my hands in his, ready for that Doctorly speech to convince me to go for treatment. I had cut him off before he could even begin. “I have made my decision Doctor Lucas, nothing you say can convince me otherwise” He tried to say something but hesitated and fell back onto his seat. His eyes said he was confused and conflicted. It was a tough decision, the toughest I have ever made. I knew I wasn’t going to survive cancer. Cancer had snatched my old man from me at a tender age, and I had lost my elder and only brother, Phillip also, to its deadly claws three years ago. My father had wasted the family’s fortune on his cancer, that I and my brother had to build our own legacies from nothing and ironically, Phillip had done the same after him. I had no plan to waste my hard-earned fortune trying to prolong a life God wanted terminated.

I should have known at Phillip’s death, that it was hereditary, that I had it in me, or maybe I knew but was afraid to acknowledge it. Dr. Lucas dropped his weight before me on his swivel chair, and shoved aside a stack of green files to rest his thick hands on a clean oak desk between us, which still smelled of the detergent that had been used to clean it. As if by impulse, he stood up again and shed his coat on the shoulders of his seat. It was thoughtful of him to try to delay the news. This was hard on him as it was on me. It wasn’t exactly easy telling one of your wealthy patients that he has just some months to live. He finally sat down with a hard sigh, cradled my hands in his, and looked me straight in the eye. “I am sorry Mr. Damian, your cancer has suddenly moved to stage four. I am afraid, you have less than six months to live without treatment” he said, putting it as sensitively as he could. He must have rehearsed that speech in his head a thousand times. I wasn’t surprised and didn’t pretend to, my face remained as impassive as before. “Ok Doctor, then I guess I have to do whatever I have to do fast now since my expiration date is closer” Doctor Lucas slapped the desk in a fit of anger. Realizing that he had overreacted, he sighed hard again “Why are you taking this….” he paused, to rummage his mental library for the right words. “Why are you so unbothered, do you see this as a joke?” “I do not” I said. I was emphatic.

“Then why do you refuse to take treatment? Why don’t you seem sad? Why don’t you grieve yourself?” He sounded angry and a bit aggressive. Despite the tense mood between us, I made him a sad smile with my eyes. “I know treatment would only give me some extra months. It cannot get rid of my cancer. Throwing myself on the floor and tearing up at my predicament wouldn’t make my cancer go away either, or get me more years to live. And I do grieve for myself, my kind of grieving just does not include being sad for myself and tearing up” “I admire your courage, Mr. Damian but still…” “Let this matter rest, Doctor Lucas, I am the one with cancer, I believe I know what is best for me” Doctor Lucas threw his hands up in resignation. On his face was still etched the anger and confusion plaguing his mind at my lackadaisical behaviour. “Ok. Since there is no hope of you taking my advice, I guess we have to call it a day then. But I must say, you are one strange patient, Mr. Damian” “I will take that as a compliment then, Dr. Lucas” Even with the mask of sorrow, he had been wearing all day, Dr. Lucas sniffled a laugh. Removing the sorrow on his face for even that brief moment, gave me some relief. Relief from what? I couldn’t describe, but I felt it deep in my heart. “Goodbye Dr. Lucas”

 

“Goodbye Mr. Damian” he dragged a file closer for scrutiny and carried it over his face as if reading a newspaper as I head for the door. I was about to shut the door after me when I heard his brittle voice call me in again. “Mr. Damian, how about I prescribe you some drugs” “No problem” I smiled and went back in to get a piece of paper he had quickly scribbled something on. I gave him another smile as I left his office. I got out of the hospital and crossed to my G-Wagon waiting patiently for me under the sun for an hour now. The sun was scorching this afternoon. It burned my face, and I appreciated it. I even sucked in the hot air. I have less than six months to enjoy them anyway. I got into the cushiony back seat after, and relaxed under the careful touch of the Air-conditioner. “Let us go” I said to my driver, Stanley, who like always, was behind the wheel. Stanley overfilled the driver’s seat. He was a stocky man and looked every bit manful, but his manners are no better than that of a kid. He grinned at me with his birdlike eyes as he turned the ignition key. I heard the engine whoosh carefully to life. What would thereafter be like without such luxuries?

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